I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
