I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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