In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
