i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
porn star boner night. come get it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
