at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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