the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
