hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the condom got lost in my hair
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
