I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
