i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
