I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
