Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
