she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
