i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
