Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
