i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
