...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
