I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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