dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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