U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
