How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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