My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
