I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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