U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
