Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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