My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
