i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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