Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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