some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
