the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
