My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
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