Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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