trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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