That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
