I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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