Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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