I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
