How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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