so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize