Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
