I CAN MOONWALK!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
