I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Houston, we have a squirter
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
