pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize