420 ftw
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
