Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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