I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
