The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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