fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
