Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
