I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
