Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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