Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
