I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
