HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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