So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
