It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
