I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
