I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
