I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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