chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
