Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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