He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
