I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
