I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
