she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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