I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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