how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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