Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
