I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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