Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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