How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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